WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
