I can tuck mytits in my pants
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
