Got a toothbrush?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
