Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize