Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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