Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
