if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
