I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just high enough for therapy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
