I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
