6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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