so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
