My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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