Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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