What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
