his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
