The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
