I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
