M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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