does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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