went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ruined the universe
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
