i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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