Moan for me like Helen Keller
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
