Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
