the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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