Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
