i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
