it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
