if you like me you must not know who I am
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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