we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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