Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
