Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
