If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize