New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
