I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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