i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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