ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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