i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
