this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
