fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
