I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
