my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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