Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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