Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize