I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
