Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
