He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize