I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
