We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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