We need to rekindle our bromance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
