i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
