He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
