she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
