why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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