haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
