i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
