I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We are two peas in an std pod
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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