Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize