You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
