10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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