i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
