can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
