Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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