Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
