Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
