The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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