I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
