so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
