At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
