remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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