O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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