I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
They should really pass out barf bags in church
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
