I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
