We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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