is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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