His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize