yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
